


I'll Be

by Cocoa_N_Donuts



Series: Blackhill Week 2018 [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Blackhill Week, Blackhill Week 2018, Day 5: "Only I Can Kill You", F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-09 09:14:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13478340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cocoa_N_Donuts/pseuds/Cocoa_N_Donuts
Summary: Natasha only smiles wryly, looking into Maria’s eyes like it’s the last thing she’ll want to see, “I’m so glad. I’m so glad it wasn’t you. Anybody but you. You’ve always been the one for me, yknow?”Maria shakes her head, “Stop joking. Just stop--”“I’m not joking. If it’s the last thing I can tell you… you’re it for me, Maria Hill.” With the last word barely a whisper, the heart rate monitor attached to Natasha screams a flatline...“You can’t die, you hear me? You can’t die. Only I can kill you for being such an annoying pain in my ass for four fucking years. You’re one of my only friends. You can’t drop a bomb like that on me and just go. I can’t lose you, Nat.”





	I'll Be

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to change up the prompt for today (and a few other days) because I just didn't have a plot going for "Secret Relationship". And thus... Tada! 
> 
> Also, I'm a complete poop and forgot to tell you that you can totally find me at my tumblr [here](http://www.cocoa-n-donuts.tumblr.com/). Scream at me there if you want. Just know that I'm shit at replying asks/ anything that goes into my inbox and is not part of the chat.

_21 January 2015, Helicarrier, SHIELD._

“In lieu of Genovia’s latest wave of progressive policy making, Hydra has kidnapped a few members of the Genovian nobility as bargaining chips for the parliament to… overturn the bills put forth for gay marriage and healthcare reforms.” Coulson briefs Strike Team Beta in the room.

Maria raised her eyebrow in disbelief, “Hydra kidnapped people because they oppose gay rights and better healthcare?”

“Unfortunately, they _are_ Nazis.” Coulson replies.

Maria shares a pointed look with Natasha over the room that clearly stated, “The world is going insane.”

“Genovia has officially put in a request to SHIELD for our assistance. The Queen has personally asked for us to return her only granddaughter, Amelia "Mia" Mignonette Thermopolis Renaldi, first-in-line to the Genovian throne. Princess Mia was the one who had proposed the notion of legalising gay marriage and healthcare reforms in the first place, so that’s why she was targeted by Hydra.” Coulson continues.

“We have found the Hydra base where all the hostages are being kept-- it’s in rural Mexico. The Genovian security detail has done a headcount and determined a total of five people kidnapped. Their details and photos will be in the files in front of you. Strike Team Beta, your mission is to secure the hostages, especially the Princess, and transport them via quinjet back here. Another team will be on standby to escort them back to Genovia and guard them till the bill has been passed-or overruled. Legally.”

Coulson finishes off with a few more details, and Strike Team Beta was sent on their way.

 

* * *

 

_22 January 2015, Outskirts of Veracruz, Mexico._

As Team Leader, Maria gave the orders and Beta executed them. Natasha, as usual, only followed Maria, sometimes even against Maria’s orders.

Yet, over the sheer number of times they’d been on missions together, Natasha and Maria had developed a synergy that reportedly had not been seen in SHIELD for many years. They covered one another wordlessly, effortlessly, and got out even of the messiest situations possible: to rapid promotions and admiration from all around SHIELD.

Beta moved through the windowless base effortlessly, found the hostages easily enough, and with a few quick snipes, took out the minimal guard that were keeping sentry over the royals.

Then a royal screamed at the sight of blood and it all went to shit. The race was on to don as many of the royals in bulletproof vests, cover them, and move out to the extraction point.

The gunfire only grew heavier as Beta moved through the maze-like base, and when they reached the exit leading to the extraction point and cloaked quinjet, it had turned into an absolute race to get as many people as they could into the quinjet, as quick as humanly possible.

Despite the bulletproof vests and helmets, four of her agents already went down, and many others had bullets and grazes on their limbs.

They finally made it to the exit leading to the extraction point, where the evacuation quinjet had been waiting for them.

“Nat! Get the princess and get her out of here. MOVE!” Maria said as she shot the locking mechanism of the door they’d just came out of, sealing the Hydra agents that were right behind them off and buying her team precious time.

Only Natasha handed off the Princess to Barton, and stayed with Maria, covering Maria to drop a few snipers on the roof.

Once Maria had been able to bar the door with a nifty piece of SHIELD equipment, she tapped Natasha on the shoulder and they both made a run for the quinjet. They had no way to shield themselves from the two remaining snipers on the roof as they bolted, zigzagging behind the team, the only stragglers as the jet was slowly hovering off the ground.

“Go, Maria! Jump! I’ll cover you!” Natasha turned and did as she promised, covering Maria with firepower.

Maria jumped.

Barton caught her, then squeezes his eyes shut and pulls. Maria climbs aboard.

“Give us some cover from the snipers!” she shouts at the SHIELD agents, and reaches for Natasha, “Natasha! Grab my hand!”

With one final shot, Natasha spins and jumps, reaching for Maria’s outstretched arm as Barton took down another sniper. Maria heaved, and Natasha climbs into the quinjet.

Just as the doors to the quinjet were about to close, Natasha tackles Maria to the floor of the quinjet.

Maria falls on her back, her front blanketed by one small Russian spy, “Nat, what--”

Then Maria notices the blood pouring from Natasha’s chest onto hers, “Nat… Medic, we need a medic here! Someone call for emergency medical backup from SHIELD on the Helicarrier.”

Flipping Natasha gently, she lowers her friend onto the floor. Pale as she already was, Nat was rapidly losing all colour as the blood pours from a wound in her chest. Maria presses both hands to the wound in a vein (hah!) attempt to stem the bleeding.

The medic rushes over, and immediately begins working on Natasha, even as Maria steps aside to cradle Natasha’s head.

Only Natasha raises a bloodied hand to cup Maria’s cheek, “See? And you thought you didn’t need me.” Her voice was faint, too faint, her breath too laboured, and her eyelids begin to droop.

Maria Hill never panics, her reputation as a mid-level hardass agent who always remains calm despite the situation precedes her in the Triskelion. But at as she grabs Natasha’s hand to hold to her face, Maria’s heart beats a rapid staccato and she is close to hyperventilating. Yet, all she could focus on was on the woman bleeding out on the floor of the quinjet in front of her.

“Look at me, Natasha. Don’t close your eyes. You’ve always wanted to try that pizza store at Third and Sixth avenue, right? We’ll go there. We’ll go there once we’re back. You can’t go if you’re unconscious, can you?” Maria tries to joke, but she was surprisingly close to tears, uncaring of the other agents and royals gathered around, watching. “Please, Natasha. Please. Stay with me.”

Natasha only smiles wryly, looking into Maria’s eyes like it’s the last thing she’ll want to see, “I’m so glad. I’m so glad it wasn’t you. Anybody but you. You’ve always been the one for me, yknow?”

Maria shakes her head, “Stop joking. Just stop--”

“I’m not joking. If it’s the last thing I can tell you… you’re _it_ for me, Maria Hill.” With the last word barely a whisper, Natasha’s hand lost all strength it had, and her face lulled to the side.

The heart rate monitor attached to Natasha screams a flatline, and it took all of Maria’s resolve to move aside to let the medic do CPR and use the defibrillator.

Only after some intense resuscitation, the heart rate monitor begins beeping a steady rhythm, and Maria feels like her own heart had started again only together with Natasha’s.

Only then does Maria goes to cradle Natasha’s head, whispering, “You can’t die, you hear me? You can’t die. Only I can kill you for being such an annoying pain in my ass for four fucking years. You’re one of my only friends. You can’t drop a bomb like that on me and just _go._ I can’t lose you, Nat.”

She might be imagining it, but Natasha’s heartbeat seemed to beat just a tad more steadily.

 

* * *

 

The moment they land on the Helicarrier, Natasha is rushed to the emergency operating theatre and Maria does not see or hear any news of her for the next 18 hours. In that time, Hardass Hill went for her debrief, filed her report, showered, and stationed herself firmly outside the operating theatre that Natasha was in.

Once the surgeons came out, claiming that Natasha was currently stable, Maria breathed a huge sigh of relief when they explained that they’ve extracted the bullet from her chest cavity, and Natasha’s own increased metabolism is definitely on their side, helping the spy recover from the traumatic gunshot wound.

They place her in an ICU ward, and Maria follows, eventually falling asleep in a chair wearing the scrubs provided by the ICU, leaning on the bed while waiting for Natasha to regain consciousness.

Maria’s head is on the bed, pillowed by her arms, when she wakes to the feel of gentle fingers threading through her hair.

After a brief moment of confusion at her surroundings, Maria jumps to her feet, the chair dragging annoyingly behind her.

The morning sunlight is streaking in through the slated windows, and it illuminates the red of Natasha’s hair beautifully.

“Nat?” Maria rubs her eyes, trying to clear the sleep from it, and confirm that Natasha was, indeed, awake.

Natasha smiles, her lips paler than ever. Even in her weakened state, tubes sticking out of places they shouldn’t, she was still incredibly beautiful. “Hi,”

“Hi yourself,” Maria’s voice wobbles with relief. “God, Natasha, don’t scare me like that.” Maria sighs, and notices Natasha’s cracked lips. She immediately turns to pour a cup of water for Natasha.  

“I’m sorry,” A small voice behind her says, and Maria turns back to her charge on the hospital bed.

Maria only shakes her head, soaks a piece of cotton into the water and gently dabs it onto Natasha’s lips, “Are you feeling nauseous?”

Natasha chuckles softly, “I’m a superpowered spy in her prime, Maria. I can drink water. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” Maria says, more to herself than to Natasha, ‘Okay.” Maria slowly raises the incline on the bed, helping Natasha sit up slowly, before lifting the cup of water up to Natasha’s lips, trying not to meet Natasha’s eyes as best as she can.

“I can’t believe I’m the one asking you this right now, Maria, but… are you alright?” Natasha says after taking a small sip of water.

Silence seeps between them as Maria searches for words, and Natasha sips her water coolly while waiting.

“I need you to promise me something, Nat.”

Natasha snaps a lethargic two fingered salute, “How can I help, Maria?”

Maria takes a deep breath, musters up the courage before looking Natasha in the eye, “Promise me you won’t take another bullet for me.”

Maria watches Natasha bite her lip, her once expressive, slightly amused eyes now shuttered, guarded at the heavy direction that this conversation has taken. Maria continues, calm, but desperate for Natasha to understand, “If my time is up, I’ll go. I don’t want you putting yourself in harm’s way just to save me,”

Natasha tries to set her cup down on the table-- Maria takes it from her before she could overstretch herself.

Natasha asks, “If I’d asked that question, would you do the same for me?”

Without hesitation, Maria replies, “If it will get you to agree to my request? Yes. Yes, I will.” Maria is absolutely lying, of course. She has no qualms about throwing her life away to save the people she’s sworn to protect. But Natasha? Natasha is one of the only people that Maria would take her own life for, should Natasha only _wish_ it.

“You _liar,_ ” The sudden venom in Natasha’s voice startles Maria into looking at Natasha again, “You absolute _liar_. If I were in danger, you wouldn’t think twice before throwing yourself between death and I.”

“Then you understand why I cannot have you sacrificing yourself for me.”

“Why, Maria? _Why?_ Why are you so adamant on having me stand aside while you face death alone, only to have you sacrificing yourself for me?”

“You’re one of SHIELD’s most important assets. I’m only a grunt.”

Natasha’s gaze and tone turns absolutely _arctic,_ and she spits, “Don’t _patronise_ me, Maria Hill. Tell me the truth, Maria. Stop holding back.”

At the back of her mind, Maria notes how she’s never seen this side of Natasha before: cold, furious, and completely vulnerable. This wasn’t the Black Widow’s wrath; this was entirely Natasha Romanoff’s rage, and Maria couldn’t be prouder of how far the woman before her has come from the entirely detached shell of a person she’d first met.

Maria swallows against the emotion caught in her throat, determines to look Natasha in her eyes.

_Woman up, Hill._

“I love you, Natasha Romanoff. You’re my closest friend, and I love you for the ridiculous asshole you are.”

“But…?”

Maria catches a breath stuck in her heart, “But I don’t know if I’m in love with you. I feel like I might, but… But I’m so _afraid_. I don’t want to break your heart, Natasha. You… you are the most amazing person I have ever met. You can have the world to choose from, and somehow, you’ve chosen me. This broken, mediocre woman who is only a mid-level grunt even after four years with SHIELD, the daughter who killed her mother.

“Dammit, I couldn’t even tell that you were serious in your affections until you were on death’s door.  How are you not running for the hills when the person you like keeps dismissing your affection like I do? You’re the Black Widow, the most desirable woman the world would queue up to have, and I’m… only me.” Maria realises that she’d lost control-- she’d exploded on Natasha-- when her best friend had just woken up after a surgery.

The realisation drains all fight from her, and Maria crumples inwardly on herself, “Why are you still here, Natasha?”

“I know,” Natasha says, “I know everything you’ve just said, and I still want you. You’re anything but mediocre, Maria Hill. You care so much about the ordinary person that you’re willing to sacrifice your life for them. The ordinary man who knows nothing of what we do everyday to keep them safe. Do you know how rare that innocence is?

“You who try so hard at whatever you do. You may not have been loved much previously in your life, but I’m here now, I’m here from now onwards, and like I said… You’re it for me. I can’t look at anyone else like I how I look at you. So you’re going to have to deal with me being in your life and loving you. Even if you can’t return my love.” Natasha says, and Maria chooses then to look up, into the deep emeralds that shine so sincerely.

Maria chokes back tears, before delivering the hammer blow that might break their friendship beyond repair, “I’m not ready to love, Nat. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be, but... You deserve better.”

Natasha chuckles, “We accept the love we think we deserve, Maria.” Natasha reaches for Maria’s face, “And, I think I just might begin to deserve you.”  

“I’m… I’m not ready, Natasha.”

“Okay, so I’ll back off. I’ll stop with the innuendos and the pressure. I’ll be whatever you need, Maria. A colleague, a best friend, a lover. Whatever you’re ready for, as long as I’m with you, I’ll be here.” Natasha’s tone lightened significantly, a smile gracing the tips of her lips, “Come on, I’m the Black Widow. I don personas like I don clothes. Whatever you want, whatever you need, I’ll be.”

Maria takes a shuddery breath, “Just… anytime you want to be with someone else… Just let me know and go for it, okay? I’m still your best friend, and I want you to be happy, even if it’s without me.”

Natasha cocks her head like a confused puppy, relents gently, “Mmh... Why don’t we start with open, honest communication for now, Mar? I’ll tell you if anyone else comes along, and you let me know if anything changes on your side-- we’ll still be best friends first before anything,”

Maria nods, “To begin with… How about a dinner with my best friend? I do owe you that dinner at Third and Sixth. I can buy some takeouts and bring the food here?”

“Sounds perfect, thank you, Maria.” Natasha raises her arms tentatively, and Maria reaches down for a careful, gentle hug.

“I’ll go get the doctor to check on you, Nat.” Maria begins walking to the door.

Natasha pouts playfully. “Do I really have to be poked and prodded _now?_ ”

“Yes. Keep that in mind the next time you take a shot for me. Maybe it’ll make you think twice.” Maria pauses at the door, hand on the doorknob, before she shoots over her shoulder, “If this happens in the future, you better be prepared to run because the moment you’re better, you’re going to wish you haven’t recovered.”

Natasha rolls her eyes, “Okay, _Mom._ ”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the ride! Please tell me what you think about this piece! I'm all for constructive criticism! Thank you!


End file.
